Me and Mediocrity

I think one of my biggest character flaws is a certain contentedness with just being slightly above average. Sure I own a business and I’m on a forward tilt but I’m certainly not living out my potential.

For example just this February I got my tax returns and and was able to cover all my bills with very little work during the month. I probably put serious effort into projects no more than a couple days out of the month. I could have chosen to cancel one of my lunch dates and instead seek out a new job, but I didn’t. I could have gone to bed earlier and woken up with an extra couple hours to design new products for my t-shirt store, but I didn’t. Instead I spent the month just chillin’.I hung out with friends, consumed video content, all around just didn’t accomplish the things I could have. I did just enough to get by and feel sorta productive.

Is this a problem? Probably. I don’t need to be the next Elon Musk but I’d like to make some more money and reach consistent financial independence for once. So let’s disect my relationship with Mediocrity.

Life is a Rollercoaster

Most my periods of unproductivness are usually following some sort of truama or minor crisis. Unexpectedly a business I’m working on fails hard and I don’t feel motivated to do anything for a week. Or even more common, I develop some sort of relationship (a roommate, a girlfriend, etc) and that results in total choas. Throwing me for a bit of an existential loop. Just recently I escaped an unfortunate living situation. A mentally ill roommate was creating and unsafe and uncomfortable environment. It was difficult to get anything done when there was the constent risk of my roomie pulling me aside be they were concerned that they “heard” me saying terrible things about them. Hopefully it can be understood how this made things hard to productive. A clear lesson can be learned that I may need to become a better judge of character. Before working with people or moving in with them I need to get to know them better. However the real issue here is that after escaping the situation I was still in an on going unproductive mood. But why?

I think I can pinpoint maybe 2 causes and ideally 2 solutions will result as I write this out.

1) A fear of failure.

This one is probably obvious. I have a habit of doing just enough to get by because going beyond that has a lot of risks. I hate investing time and energy into a project just to end up loosing. If I’m already coming out of a bad experience then the last thing I want is to feel even more like an idiot. Maybe I can over come this with intense self evaluation (hopefully this post will help!). However I think fear is best handled head first. There’s a point where I just need to try harder and I’ll get over it.

2) A fear of missing out.

This one is bit more personal. I have an intense disinterest in the being the type of person who has to say no to social events or going on adventures. I can definitely pin point many times I’ve neglected work because some pretty girl invited me to go get high. I think this stems mostly from a lot of childhood confidence issues. I genuinely, for a long time, thought I would die some sort of virgin loser with no friends. As a result I had some hardcore effort to over come these social ineptitudes. I was successful in that regard! My social and romantic life is extremely fruitful. However now I don’t want to lose it. I hate saying no to party invites because I just never really know if I’ll get another and that makes me feel lonely. I think I would benefit from learning to say no more. This could start by committing to a more strict schedule, maybe only partying on weekends. I should also set more clear work goals. I should learn to only engage in fun after completing my work and if I can’t do that I should cancel and get back to the grind.

I know greatness is just around the corner. I just have some personal hurdles to overcome before I reach it. Fortunately ever year is better and better so I know I can do it.

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