Fuck Coffee

I find the damn stuff repulsive. That doesn’t mean I don’t drink it mind you, I maybe have a cup or two once a month when I can’t score something better, but when faced with all the possible drugs in the world it baffles me that people are daily coffee drinkers.

It doesn’t even taste good without drowning it in milk and sugar. Plus every time I drink coffee I find myself spending an unnecessary amount of time in the restroom. Why would I do a drug that makes me poop when i’m trying to be more productive? Even when i’m just using it at a social event i’m still likely to end up upsetting my stomach and not being able to focus.

The culture around coffee is annoying as well. We’re conditioned that coffee is the acceptable stimulant, but god forbid we use some adderal or all of the possible LEGAL and SAFE nootropics on the market. I see a deep irony that we demonize some drugs but accept the usage of highly addictive substances like caffeine. Look I love drugs, drugs are a technology used to hack your body and it’s okay to use them as you see fit. However like all technologies there is risk and drug users can find themselves going overboard or getting addicted. Caffeine addiction, usually through daily coffee use, is just as real and concerning as nicotine addiction. It’s not cute when I see “don’t talk to me until i’ve had my coffee LOL :D” memes posted by anti-smoking, anti-alcohol or anti-marijuana advocates. Fuck you and fuck coffee.

The habits of the coffee-fiend appear to be very unhealthy levels of dependency. It’s rarely ever a good idea to use caffeine (or any drug for that matter) to pull an all nighter. Your marginal productivity will suffer if you don’t get a healthy amount of sleep. I’ll give you some advice, If you find yourself unable to work at night don’t make another cup of coffee, just STOP WORKING AT NIGHT. Go to fucking sleep, go for a walk or drink some water, just stop living like a keynesian economic model (artificially simulate now, crash later).

Coffee is dumb. I’m not gonna tell you to stop drinking it but maybe reconsider how you’re mentally categorizing it. If you think of it as more of what it is, a drug, then you’ll maybe rethink your habits and use of it. Hopefully you’ll come to my mindset. Fuck Coffee.